Dear Younger Me,
As I reflect on all the things that went on when we were fourteen, the now seventy-six-year-old me still has trouble reconciling all of it.
At that time, we were confused, angry, and became a rebel doing everything in our power to do the opposite of what was asked. To try and show the grownups they were wrong, at one point, we walked over twenty-five miles to visit the boy, we believed to be our boyfriend and though we were madly in love with him.
We both know that didn’t work out well. Getting there in the late evening, what was believed would happen didn’t. The boy’s father immediately put us in his car and drove us home. After that, the boy was instructed to stay away from us. I remember how painful that was and think it led to all the following disruptive actions that followed.
Often during the years before we turned fourteen, we defended Dad even though he was an alcoholic and most times was violent when drunk. For years he would take put us in the back seat of the car. He would drive to the bar, leave us alone in the car all day, and then drive home once his money ran out. Everyone called us “Daddy’s Girl,” but we both know that really wasn’t the case.
I know that being a teenager is a difficult time in life. For us, it was even more challenging to compete with six other siblings for attention. This, I believe, was our way of getting attention. Even the time we ran away just down the street to stay at a friend’s house. When the police arrived, our mother made it clear to put us in a cell for the night and not let anyone bail us out.
I have a vivid remembrance of that night. We were scared but not remorseful. Once our friends knew the situation, they would come, one by one, and sit by the bars at the window, being the jail was on the ground floor, and talk. It was supposed to be a lesson to behave. Guess that didn’t work.
Okay, enough of the remembering. I want you to know that after several years of even worse mistakes, we turned out okay. It took a long time to get it right, but I have no fear because we are okay today.
Life is calm for the most part. We found that writing has soothed the rebel in our soul, or maybe utilizes it because all of that can be expressed through the characters in the books we write. It has been a great way to live adventures as someone else and find redemption in the end.
We had many challenges at fourteen, but I believe that may be the case for the majority of teenagers trying to navigate all the changes happening with our bodies and in our life. Going to High School, liking boys, and not knowing what to do with all that.
Life can be a challenge for many unforeseen reasons, so I want you to know that we turned out okay even though we made many mistakes along the way.
