It wasn’t real.
It wasn’t real until the call arrived that David has passed on.
A little over a year he fought the beast* that took over his life. David had the hunger to live, with every last breath he fought, a battle that was meant for him to win. My beautiful Angel lost his fight on Family Day, February 20, 2011, eighteen days away from his 30th birthday. Out of all the days, he lost his fight on family day. A day to remember, to celebrate with family, was he sending us a message? I wish I knew.
I let out a scream, a painful excruciating scream. it’s hard to describe the agony I felt. My heart had just been shattered and ripped out of my chest. I felt as though the Devil had my heart in his own hand squeezing as hard as he could in his ugly fist,
I could not get a breath of air into me. Every so often I would take a big gulp, I had the feeling of drowning without being under water. Just the thought of my sweet nephew not being around anymore, it was a raw, aching pain.
I brought up the little rascal from the time he turned one. I knew what he liked and what he didn’t. I remember all the funny things he did, and said, what made David laugh and what made him cry. He had a real sense of humor. Most of all he had a beautiful smile and a gentle personality. He loved to help and give. When he smiled, his entire soul smiled, his eyes sparkled like stars.
I was not able to hug him or tell him that Aunt Maria loved him before he passed, due to family quarrels. That was one of the saddest things besides his passing. I couldn’t let go of the thought that, perhaps, he didn’t believe in my love for him anymore. I wanted him to know that I loved him more than life. If I could switch lives with him, I would have done it in an instant, without thinking twice. My nephew, David, had a full life ahead of him, a life full of joy, laughter, and good deeds. A life with a family of his own, and a woman that loved him deeply.
Losing my nephew was the hardest thing that ever had happened to me, I cried for a month. I fell into the black hole called depression. It was dark and lonely, no one understood my desperation. I was alone. It was very hard climbing back out of that big dark hole. God stood beside me and reached for my hand. Little by little I found the courage. I pushed myself a little at a time. After many long waking nights, I admitted to myself that David was really gone.
Towards the last critical months of his life, I was no longer welcome near him, as per his mother and father (my brother) because of those family quarrels. The day of the funeral I went to the church, to give my nephew my last goodbye. I began to cry the minute the casket entered the church. My heart was aching so much. I never experienced that kind of pain before, not even when my own father passed away. That pain was real, it was poignant.
As the casket passed by me, I followed it outside the doors. Seeing him taken away forever, I collapsed in the arms of my husband. Still thinking “it’s not real he will come home.” Something inside me didn’t want to accept his departure, I kept the hope alive, the hope to hear him knocking on my door and calling my name, “Hello Zia**, how are you?” he used to say.
After a couple of years, I came to realize and accept that my beautiful and handsome nephew was no longer walking among us. I know for sure he is helping in the Heavens. He is with me every day; the beautiful memories are locked, and will forever be cherished, within my heart.
“Rest in peace, my Angel – until we meet again.”
Beast* – Cancer
Zia** – Aunt
